I didn’t plan on falling in love with you, and I doubt if you planned on falling in love with me. But once we met, it was clear that neither of us could control what was happening to us. We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me, love like that has happened only once and that’s why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I’ll never forget a single moment of it.

When I see someone I hate I'm like :

There are some things about myself I can’t explain to anyone. There are some things I don’t understand at all. I can’t tell what I think about things or what I’m after. I don’t know what my strengths are or what I’m supposed to do about them. But if I start thinking about these things in too much detail the whole thing gets scary. And if I get scared I can only think about myself. I become really self-centered, and without meaning to, I hurt people. So I’m not such a wonderful human being.

The moment you realize you are no longer on your period

You know that feeling? When you’re just waiting. Waiting to get home, into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let everything out that you kept in all day. That feeling of both relief and desperation. Nothing is wrong. But nothing is right either. And you’re tired. Tired of everything, tired of nothing. And you just want someone to be there and tell you it’s okay. But no one’s going to be there. And you know you have to be strong for yourself, because no one can fix you. But you’re tired of waiting. Tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else. Tired of being strong. And for once, you just want it to be easy. To be simple. To be helped. To be saved. But you know you won’t be. But you’re still hoping. And you’re still wishing. And you’re still staying strong and fighting, with tears in your eyes. You’re fighting.

Everything is changing. Day by day, we don’t notice it, but just look back over the past year and you will realize everything has. People you thought were going to be there forever aren’t, and people you never imagined you’d be speaking to are now some of your closest friends. Life makes little sense, and the older we are the less sense it will make. So make the most of now, before it all changes once again, because in the near future, all that’s left will be memories.

This Way

It was cold
That's what I remember
Your eyes stared
Middle of December
and I never thought we'd end up
This way
Months went by that seemed like years
I've stopped counting all my tears
Never thought we'd be like we are today.

But now it seems like something's always wrong
My heart tells me I should've known all along

That nothing could stay that perfect
I sure hope it was worth it
And I wish you could stop and see what this is doing to me
I'm not sure what really happened
But I never would have imagined
That we would be the way we are today
Never thought we'd end up this way.

You're not the same
I guess I've changed too
What we have, seems like it's coming unglued
Don't even know what I want to say
Anymore.

I guess it's true what they say about the heart
Every word you say leaves a scar
Never thought we'd be like we are today.

But now it seems like something's always wrong
My heart tells me I should've known all along

That nothing could stay that perfect
I sure hope it was worth it
And I wish you could stop and see what this is doing to me
I'm not sure what really happened
But I never would have imagined
That we would be the way we are today
Never thought we'd end up this way.

I'm hardly sleeping anymore
Is this something worth fighting for
Don't wanna close the door on what we were before.

But now it seems like something's always wrong
And I hope we don't stay this way for long.

I Am Thankful

I am thankful today, simply because I am alive. 

I am thankful because the world is so beautiful, because of the first sharp breath and vivid colors of fall, the first snowfall of winter, the year-round sunsets, a full moon, the mood of a tropical downpour, the excitement of a hurricane, the majesty of the ocean and the mountains. 

I am glad that I do not take for granted the wet, slippery roads after a sudden rainfall, the first flower of spring or trees in full bloom.  I am thankful for these things.

I am thankful for those who love me and for those I love.  I am grateful to know that life is important even when it is unhappy.  I am thankful that there is so much good in the worst of us. I am thankful that hope lives in every human heart, even though there may be times of great depression, grief and turmoil. 

I am thankful for the variety in people which adds such life to living. 

I am thankful for the way I feel when I walk or sing.  I am thankful for deep sleep and the always new adventure of tomorrow.  I am thankful I live in a place where dreams and aspirations and hard work are rewarded.  I am thankful because I have work to do which I love.  I am thankful because I am in a position to give some help to some of those who need it. 

In other words, I am thankful to be alive.  I am deeply grateful for the energy, the imagination, the hope, the challenge called life and I will be very thankful if I can live for a long time.

thank you

thank you. thank you for asking how old i was. thank you falling over conveyor belts. thank you for trying to help decide my future. thank you for clearing the lot for me. thank you for not telling me you did it. thank you for staring over the counter. thank you for asking if that was my school uniform. thank you for telling everyone but me what you thought of me. thank you for christmas break. thank you for chemistry. thank you for talking me out of it. thank you for target. thank you for smiling. thank you for the schnuck's parking lot. thank you for caring. thank you for being different. thank you for february 27th. thank you for everything. thank you for being there. always. thank you for giving everything you have. thank you for doing everything you can. thank you for loving me. thank you for letting yourself love me. thank you for telling me while intoxicated.  thank you for remembering the next morning. thank you for magnets. thank you for you. thank you for worrying. thank you for believing in me. thank you for our first date in 7 months. thank you for being who you are. thank you for your tolerance. thank you for anything. thank you for something. thank you for your heart. thank you for mine. thank you for your hands. thank you for your arms. thank you for your eyes. thank you for your hair. thank you for going when you could go no more. thank you for us. thank you.

CONFESSION

Confession #1:
I hate the University of Mississippi (AKA Ole Miss) with a burning passion that runs deep into the depths of my soul.  Oddly, I have nothing against their academics or sports teams. 

truelove

When you're face to face with someone who's upset, besides providing comforting words, the best thing you can do is hug them.  The pressure of your warm body on theirs releases a hormone called oxytocin, which is associated with reduced stress levels, growth, healing, and social bonding. In essence, touch in general reduces stress and anxiety.  When a person is touched by a loved one, centers of the brain associated with fear and danger become less active. 

do it.

i am me.

You see that girl staring into space? If you were to ask what’s wrong, she would say nothing, when in reality it’s everything. She’s sitting there wondering what she did wrong, what she could have done differently, how she would have changed it if she had the chance. And if she had the chance to go back and do it over again, would it end with the same result? That’s why she stares.

you looked me in the eye and swore you weren't lying.

"Trust is not given, it's earned." 

Or at least in my case it's not given.  I'm not the kind of person that just hands out my trust to every single person i know. it's more like trust.  I am very guarded and constantly wonder if what i'm saying to someone in confidence is going to be all over the school the next day.  I haven't always been like this, it was a process that got me to where i stand with trust today.  

people have done things to me to make me so guarded with who i give my trust to. i wish i wasn't this way but i can't help it. 

so when and if i give you my trust, don't screw it up.

The Raft is the Shore

Happiness. By definition happiness is a state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. Such a simple definition for such a complex thing. I'm sure everyone has experienced at least some amount of happiness in life...unless you're just different or something.  That's not the point. 


I rarely pay very close attention in class, especially when the teacher is going on and on about something I could care less about.  However, once in awhile this rare occasion may come along.  My english teacher had a huge impact on the way I've been viewing life lately.  She said, "The raft is the shore."  The shore being whatever it is in life that makes us happy, our ultimate goal, what we want; the raft being our journey towards that ultimate goal.  Whether it's getting into the college you want or just wanting a certain type of food after school, we all have something we really want and that we know we will be happy if we could just get it.


If we could just...If we could just...


However, I have come to learn from my teacher and now also looking at my life that we can't go through life always wishing we could just have this and that or do this and that so we can achieve happiness.  We have to be happy with where we are right this second.  Because the journey to the shore is the happiness. Right now. The raft.  That is what we must be happy with.  I'm guilty more than most people of looking toward the future praying for it to come faster. But while I'm doing this, I've been missing out on everything around me.  Before I know it I'll be old and it will be too late to enjoy now.  And that's what I'm afraid of.  I'm afraid of what I'll miss if I don't start being happy with where I am right now, even if I can hardly find anything to be happy about. 


So, the current goal is to focus on the present.  The raft is the shore.

always remember